Advice to the Men of LASA
George R Odum
1. Get rid of the cargo shorts. They literally went out of style in the early 2000s.
2. If you MUST wear shorts (I suggest wearing solid color, flat front, slim fit khakis in darker brown, khaki, gray, and a light blue. Look at Bonbos.com for great pants if you've stopped growing), anyway shorts. Take a couple pairs of slacks (flat front only! Pleats are forbidden from now until the end of time) that fit you well but you no longer need, or go to savers and get some, take them to the tailor and have them cut as shorts. They will be slimmer than most shorts and that will look a lot better.
3. Jeans. Skinny jeans are for girls and for guys who weigh less than 150 lbs and share clothes with their girlfriends. Levis 514 Slim Straight. Buy dark washes and when you wash them wash them inside out so that they stay dark. I suggest two to three pair.
4. Shirts. You will need the following solid color shirts: long sleeve oxfords: 2-3 white with pin point collars (buy metal collar stays), 1 lighter pink, 1 light blue, 1 light purple, 1 with thin blue stripes on a white background, 1 black, 1 green. Ask Mo what "season" you are and that will help you decide if you look better in warmer or cooler color schemes. You will need at least three short sleeve polo shirts, don't but American Eagle, Abercrombie, Hollister, Tommy Hilfiger, or some such horrible brand, also don't buy Polo brand, everyone has polo brand and you don't want to look like everyone. I would go with Penguin (Munsingwear), Le Tigre, Fred Perry or my favorite Lacoste. You will need 1 black, 1 Blue (go with Royal blue it stands out a bit more), and 1 White. I also suggest finding a vintage Fila or Sergio Tacchini tennis shirt somewhere, it will add flair to a jeans and flip flops (always decent flip flops, think Aldo not Old navy) look. IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING THAT ALL SHIRST SHOULD BE SLIM, MODERN, OR ATHLETIC CUT, even if you have a couple pounds on you if the shirt fits well you'll look slimmer. I’ve always struggled with weight being built more like a brick than a flagpole. One of the reasons that you’ll need a good tailor is that designers design nice clothes for impossible sizes. Also, never ever wear the collar up unless you’re ironically dressed like a moron for Halloween.
5. Pants. First off, wear pants to school everyday. School is your job, you get to dress casual at your job, but it's a job nonetheless. All your pants will need to be slim straight NOT SKINNY!!!! Go for timeless style and high quality and your wardrobe will last a good long while. You will need 2 pair of flat front black dress slacks (don't wear these to school, it'll look like you're going to recital or something), 1 pair flat front gray slacks, no cuffs, 1 flat front navy, 1 flat front white (trust me), 1 flat front dark brown. These pants should be wrinkle-free cotton and you need to learn how to iron them so that you have either the traditional crease down the front of the leg, or so that the front of the leg is flat. I prefer Perry Ellis for pants, the outlet in Round Rock always has decent sales. SHOPPING TIP: CALL STORES AND FIND OUT WHEN THEIR STOCK COMES IN, WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK OR MONTH, THEN GO THE NEXT DAY AS EARLY AS YOU CAN, YOU'LL GET FIRST PICK. THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE OF OUTLETS, THRIFT STORES AND PLACES LIKE NORDSTROM RACK, TJ MAXX, ROSS, MARSHALLS AND NIEMAN MARCUS LAST CALL.
6. Shoes and Belts. They should match, no exceptions. Buy your shoes and belts together if possible so you know for a fact that they are matched. You need the following: a pair of brown wing tips (great with slacks of course, but adds flash to a pair of jeans and a button up), a pair of black dress shoes. No squared off toes, those are ridiculous, look for a relatively pointy slip on, or a capped toe lace-up. You may be tempted to go for the low fashion boot, but you're not quite ready for that. You also need a pair of fashion sneakers. I think you already have some cool blue Adidas, but you also can't go wrong with Asics Mexico 66 (white), You'll need loafers a pair of brown Sperry top-siders, and a pair of navy blues is about it. You need a pair of black leather sandals, and a pair of brown leather sandals, no Birkenstocks or any horrible thing like that; you're not at a Phish show. The tell tale sign of good sandals is that they have a VERY small heel. Also go to KG and get a cheap pair of white Steve Madden loafers but don't wear them with your white pants! Wear them with jeans and a polo with a white belt. Also, because you're in Texas you'll need a pair of cowboy boots. There's no need to go fancy here, cowboy boots are meant to break in and look a little worn. Go to Shepler's and pick out a pair with a walking heel and a reasonable point, no rounded toes.
7. Suits: Eventually someone will die/ get married/ have a fancy party/ you'll get a job interview so you'll need a small stable of suits. All should be athletic cut and fit pretty well off the rack. The reason I say pretty well is two-fold. One, only a small percentage of the male population can buy suits off the rack and have them fit perfectly (it's basically Roger Federer and Daniel Craig that's it), and two, you're going to have them tailored anyway. You need a black suit, a light gray suit, a tan suit, and if you tan well and develop some swagger, a white suit. White suits are tricky to pull off. You truly have to believe that you belong in a white suit to rock a white suit. If there's any doubt, just forget it. You will also need a navy suit with LIGHT pinstripes. This is your "interview suit." It's very conservative, very bland, but make sure your tailor cuts it well. Department stores rip you off for suits so avoid them. Order Bianca Brioni suits from Amazon. It's the secondary brand from Brioni who makes the best suits in the world. They're a fantastic deal and of very high quality. Don't worry about buying them online you'll tailor them anyway.
8. Accessories. Up until now I've been giving you a primer on "timeless" or "classic" style. The reason for this is that you should buy very high quality items, but only the essentials. They will last you longer, sometimes they come with repair warranties, and it will keep you from shopping, which is a waste of time and usually tempts you into buying stuff you don't need. Anyway, WITH THE QUALIFIED EXCEPTION OF WATCHES, accessories are where you can buy cheap and trendy items to add to your basic fashion palette. I'm thinking here of hats (baseball hats are for playing sports, working outside, and watching sports, they're juvenile and it took me a long while to come to that realization, but I'm a better man for it). You probably have hair (more on that later) so you don't really need a hat, but if you must, go with a Panama (again this is something that you have to really own, so if you don't know if you can, you can't). You need a nice leather wallet. You need a necklace with a pendant representing something meaningful to you. You need a gold or silver toned (your preference) dress watch (nice, but because you're a student we're talking Citizen not Rolex). This should only be worn with suits or when you dress up a little. Don't get any watch that's "nautical" (unless you actually sail or spend time on a boat) or chronograph or any of that crap. Buy a nice watch that's modern or classic whichever way you want to go. Nixon, Fossil, and Invicta are good choices. You need a brown leather-strapped watch for more casual outfits (this is your everyday watch). A black leather-strapped watch to match your black, gray, and the like.
Lastly you need a sport watch because you, my boy, are going to need to exercise. I'm not trying to be moralistic, I need a lot of body work myself. I'm just speaking facts. If you dedicate to a workout/ exercise schedule your clothes will fit better, you'll feel better physically, as well as about yourself, AND you'll look better (more on this later).
Anyway, back to accessories. You need two handkerchiefs one in your front pocket, with subtle embroidery of your last initial, and one in your back pocket that's plain. The one in the front is for "her." She sneezes, she has something in her eye or at the corner of her mouth, she has something on her clothes, she's crying. It doesn't matter who it is, you extend this courtesy to EVERY WOMAN whether you are interested in her or not (you also open car doors, doors in general, give up your seat on busses and trains, nod your head and say "ma'am" as you pass by them, if she drops something bend at the knees and pick it up for her, in short learn etiquette from forty years ago. Women are capable, smart, and equal to men in all ways that matter, but the small touches of chivalry are greatly appreciated, or at least noticed positively. You look classy). The one in the back is for you, DO NOT BLOW YOUR NOSE IN THE HANDKERCHIEF LIKE YOU WOULD IN A KLEENEX, wipe your nose when it's runny, fold it so that the snotty part is on the inside so that you can use it to wipe your mouth after eating.
Rings: Wedding rings only. As an Aggie it somewhat pains me to say this but class rings are usually gaudy and gaudy never works except for Halloween and Carnival. Nope only a wedding ring, no "promise rings" and for God's sake no "men's engagement rings" or “purity rings,” you would be better off becoming a eunuch than wear one of those (and if she asks you to wear one, she's not the girl you want to marry, trust me).
Socks are a must, actually not really an accessory, except with the sandals and the top-siders of course.
Buy two colognes (and don’t use too much) one that is lighter and has a touch of citrus for the late Spring and Summer, one that is heavier with notes of tobacco and/or leather for Fall and Winter.
You will also need a nice pen, I would opt for the Cross ATX (about 40 bucks) which fits nicely in your front pocket (because you should always have a pen and not having one makes people feel like you are disorganized and unreliable), when you get to Rolex Watch/ Dunhill Lighter territory then go for the Mont Blanc Generation. My Grandfather gave me one of these when I was your age and I lost it and it breaks my heart every time I think about it.
The next accessory you should have is a nice cigarette lighter. DON'T GET ME WRONG, DO NOT SMOKE EVER!!! AND DATE ANYONE WHO SMOKES, IT STINKS, IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO QUIT ONCE YOU'VE STARTED AND IT WILL KILL YOU SLOWLY, that being said it is probable that you will eventually be in a social situation in which someone is smoking and pulling out a lighter to light someone's cigarette, guy or girl, is a classy move and will be noticed. A plain Zippo will do for now, when you get older and have a better job opt for a Colbari, and if you are well off enough eventually
Sunglasses should match your face. If you have something of a rounded face so go for squared off glasses. If you have a longer face you can pull off aviators. Once again I suggest Ray Ban, but if you want a little more unusual with a classic look go with Randolph Aviators with the chrome finish and the green or blue lenses. At this point just get Ray Ban wayfarer knock offs from Target or someplace, one pair in black, one pair in Tortoise shell. Later, if you feel the need to buy expensive sunglasses (I don’t personally, I like to use sunglasses to complete a “look” that I’ve constructed so it makes more financial sense to buy cheaper brands) I would go with Persol. They have a multitude of styles, they are classy, and they were the choice of Steve McQueen and that usually signals a very high score on the masculinity scale. For those of you with longer faces you could look at the rounder Fendi glasses or Oliver Peoples. Vintage eyewear is also a great option, so keep an eye out on ebay.
As for exercise, DO NOT TAKE YOUR BODY IMAGE CUES FROM MEN’S FITNESS MAGAZINES, those guys are genetically gifted, professional exercisers, and airbrushed. Anyway, you need to do four types of exercises: core, strength, endurance, and sport. For your core you can use balancing balls and the like, however there is no better core exercise than Yoga. For one thing it increases your flexibility and joint strength. It also helps you with “functional strength” which will help you do everyday things that require a little power. For strength, find an experienced mentor who will set you up with a program of free weight workouts that won’t make you a bulky freak, but will give you that lean look that women prefer and is honestly healthier. For endurance, run and swim. Running sucks at first, but after a while it becomes almost meditative and you will find that you can run longer distances and times pretty quickly. If you have some extra pounds, do intervals of long slow runs with short, regular bursts of full-speed sprinting. If you decide to run, go to a running shop and have them suggest shoes that are best for your body and running style. I am a bigger guy and so my all time favorite running shoes are the Brooks Beast. Swimming should not require too much explanation. It’s fun, it works all of your body, and it is a life skill. Some universities (Yale for example) even require you to take a swim test as a prerequisite for graduation). Being an excellent swimmer is a very good skill to have. As for the “sport” section, choose a sport that you enjoy and that you can play well into adulthood. Football and Boxing are great when you’re young, but you can only play football for so long, and if you box too long you’ll get brain trauma that will honestly make you a zombie. I suggest tennis, squash, soccer, baseball, softball, rugby, racquetball, badminton, cycling, hiking, kayaking, water or snow skiing. Notice I did not say golf because while golf is great for making business deals and there is a strong psychological component to the game that develops discipline, it is a common past time for frankly uninteresting people. I want you to be dynamic human beings, not golfers.
As important as exercise is for health, diet is much more of a factor. A vegetarian diet with protein supplementation is the healthiest and most ethical diet available, however I know that this may be too drastic a step. I love a good steak as much as anyone I know. So, keep your portions reasonable in size, eat LOTS of vegetables and fruits (really as much as you can handle), whole grains, natural foods (there’s a lot of research that claims that the obesity epidemic has a lot to do with processed foods). It’s the same message I have with drugs; food and drugs are chemical compounds that you put into your body that affect a metabolic change. That is a really big deal so you need to educate yourself and make wise decisions that will help you live a long life and enjoy the life you’re living.
Hygiene is VERY important and is too often ignored by young men. You need to do the following things in order: In the morning, wash your face with a soap that won’t dry out your skin, floss, brush your teeth, rinse your mouth out with mouthwash, take a shower. While you are in the shower wash EVERYTHING, rinse completely, and shave. Always shave in the shower because the hot water opens your pores and gives you a closer shave. Don’t go cheap on razors, disposable razors are environmentally wasteful and don’t do a good job anyway. I use a Gillette Fusion Proglide Power razor and I like it a lot. After you shower use a non-alcohol based aftershave (unscented), apply lotion to your face and under your eyes (something with at least 15 spf). Nothing that will make your face shiny, that’s a bad look. Trust me on the lotion front. In ten years your pals will have wrinkles around your eyes, and you won’t. Use a good antiperspirant like Mitchum gel (won’t get on your clothes), and a bit of gold bond unscented powder anywhere where you might sweat. I’m not going into any more detail on that last point. Now cologne, spray once on your wrist, rub on the other wrist and then rub both wrists along your jawline, then hold the bottle out at arms length, aim at chest level and give a good solid spray. This is enough, never use more than this, seriously. Keep a little kit with a toothbrush and toothpaste, floss, antiperspirant, small sized cologne, Tide to go, Purell, and hand lotion. Keep this kit in your car, locker, or eventually desk. You never know what will happen in a day.
Hmmmmm, other than that I would advise to spend a lot of time outdoors, get some color. Work on your walk, good posture, chin up, toes facing forward, walk like you have someplace to go, not fast, but not aimlessly either. Work on your handshake, firm but not crushing (indicates overcompensation), look people directly in the eyes when you meet them. Keep your hands out of your pockets and away from your face, When you first meet someone don’t smile immediately after looking them in the eyes allow a smile to grow on your face. It gives them the impression that you’ve seen something positive in them and it makes them act more warmly towards you. Say good morning, good afternoon and good evening or good night to people. Ask people how their day has been and really listen to their answers. Inquire about people’s interests, you can learn a lot about people and people like others who care about their lives. You can fake this, but you’ll be a better man, and a better human being if you actually do care about others. Think before you speak. If you aren’t adding to the conversation it’s better to listen and learn. Don’t ever try to be the expert on a subject. This is a flaw that I grapple with daily. If you have knowledge about a subject, let it flow naturally into the stream of the conversation. Surprise people with your intellect and insight, rather than being bored because you are always filling the air with chatter.
The most important ting you can improve/ develop is your intellect. Make a pact with yourself to read one good book ever two weeks and scan a good newspaper (the Statesman does NOT count, go to the New York Times online), and try to listen to some audio books. I have a hard time finishing books, so I download audio books on subjects that I find interesting or edifying in some way. If you want a great general introduction to almost any subject check out The Teaching Company. It’s a company that hires the best professors in the world to give a course on their subject of expertise. I listen in the car and when I’m laying in bed trying to sleep.
Also, take time (at least 30 minutes a day) to meditate. Meditation is a practice that is found in every religious tradition, so you don’t have to alter your beliefs if you don’t want to. If you have no beliefs it is a great way to open your mind to what’s inside you and it will help you clarify who you really are as a person. It also is good for the physical body. It lowers your stress levels, blood pressure, aids in concentration and mood, and many other things that I can’t think of at this moment. If you want a good book on the subject I suggest The Meditator’s Manual by Ram Dass.
In short, be a man. Men can take care of themselves, the women in their lives, assert their opinions in a forceful yet diplomatic way, are authentic, have integrity, don’t shirk from physically difficult tasks, take risks, measure risks verses rewards, takes care of their money, works hard, says what he means, isn’t afraid to express his feelings, can cry, can be vulnerable with those he trusts, ASKS THE GIRL HE’S INTERESTED IN OUT AND IS OK IF SHE SAYS NO, picks the restaurant on a date, brings her flowers, meets her father looks him in the eyes, shakes his hand and tells him that his daughter is safe with you and that you will get her back before curfew, finds a woman who he can open his soul to and treats her for what she is the most precious gift God ever gave mankind, has at least one nemesis (of equal quality to one’s self) who keep him sharp, has close friends who deserve to BE his friends, isn’t a barfly, cares about where he lives and takes pride in its appearance and amenities, cares about the environment and doesn’t take nature for granted, likes and develops empathy with animals especially dogs and horses, can ride a horse, can dance with confidence, DOES dance with confidence, practices his self defense skills regularly, remembers how to fight like a gentleman (the challenged gets to pick the venue and time), never starts a fight, never runs from a fair fight, never bites, scratches or gouges, never uses a weapon against an unarmed enemy, never ends a fight before victory or defeat is clearly determined, isn’t afraid to take a beating for a woman or a principle, has goals in life, has an overriding purpose that he works towards, retreats into solitude on occasion to reflect and renew, trusts human goodness until proven otherwise, forgives but never fully forgets, knows how to order a meal and how to treat service workers (with respect), makes plans, works through those plans, is generous, is kind, listens to other people’s opinions, makes logical and well-considered arguments, doesn’t waste too much time arguing for the sake of argument, never makes promises he doesn’t do everything to keep, makes sacrifices for friends, family and total strangers, and finally takes responsibility for his thoughts, words, actions, and all the consequences thereof.
Gentlemen, Honor is almost a dead concept in this pathetic culture. Bring it back.
Ladies, if a man doesn’t meet the description above, don’t have a relationship with them. I know you all, and you all deserve the best that the XY chromosome can produce.
